But Now I See
by Dragonflys-Girl
Summary: An investigation went wrong ... someone had to pay the price the road of recovery is guaranteed to be difficult and with emotions runnig wild, things will never be the same [KIBBS]
1. Prologue

Title: But Now I See  
  
Author: Claudia J. Chan (Claudie)  
  
Genre: Angst and Romance (Gibbs / Kate... is it KIBBS or GATE??)  
  
Archive: So far, it's only on fanfiction.net. There is something I need to do with my website before it's gonna be working nicely again... stupid me...  
  
Spoilers: maybe hints of aired episodes  
  
Disclaimers: I don't own the characters, but I'd like to consider this plot my own little imagination... *grin*  
  
A/N: Thank you VERY much, Shannon. I've never written a story all the while still so uncertain with my plot. You being there and giving me feedbacks help me through this and without your help, this story wouldn't be completed. Thank you, sis. *hugz*  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"Tony, you start looking through the backyard with Agent Schumade," Gibbs ordered once the team stepped out of the sedan. "Kate, you and I will go inside."  
  
Guns were drawn, and at Gibbs' nod, the agents moved into position.  
  
Gibbs kicked open the front door of the ancient Victorian-style house to reveal an eerily empty interior with dust-covered surface.  
  
"Gibbs?" Kate looked at him, perplexed. Gibbs believed their suspects to be hiding out in this house, but it seemed like nobody had been in there for a long time.  
  
"Let's go upstairs."  
  
Kate followed him inside. The stairs creaked as they stepped on it, and the sound echoed in the empty house.  
  
The second floor looked as empty, quiet, deserted as the first. To their right was a long hallway with only dim lights even it was daytime. As they neared the end of the hallway, Kate picked out a faint sound from a room to her right.  
  
Tic - Toc.  
  
She strained her ears, and the sound came again.  
  
Tic – Toc.  
  
It took her a moment, but her mind registered what the sound meant.  
  
A bomb, the voice in her head screamed.  
  
"Gibbs," she turned to her superior, her eyes wide. "A bomb." Kate made sure Gibbs was behind her before she started her run toward safety.  
  
They were thrown to the ground, mere steps from the stairs, by the blast of the explosion. She felt Gibbs lying heavily on top of her before slipping into oblivion.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
A/N: I'm not ashamed of using a little bribe here... but I'm scheduled to leave home for 3 weeks next Wednesday... so I can always use some incentive to get the story out quicker - if you know what I mean? *Grin* 


	2. Chapter 1

Part 01 of But Now I See  
  
Disclaimers: See introduction  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
  
  
Kate felt like she was floating. Someone was holding her hand gently, talking to her. The voice sounded far away though; so far away that she had a hard time picking out what was being said.  
  
  
  
"Come on, you're always so stubborn," finally, she could hear him. It was Tony, and if she were not hallucinating, he just called her stubborn. "You wouldn't let a little thing like an explosion keep you from running around, would you?"  
  
  
  
"Jerk," she managed to murmur weakly without opening her eyes.  
  
  
  
"Kate?" She could hear a hitch in his voice. "Come on, try harder and open your eyes, Katie."  
  
  
  
"Don't call me that," she muttered again, her throat so dry that it hurt. She cracked open her eyes a little and saw the concerned face of Tony hovering above her.  
  
  
  
"Here," he gave her some ice chips and she let one melt in her mouth gratefully, feeling the water soothing the too dry throat. "You remember what happened?"  
  
  
  
"Explosion." She was too tired to speak, but she was dying to know. "Gibbs?"  
  
  
  
"Schumade and I called 9-1-1 when we heard the explosion in the backyard. We were about to get into the house to meet with you guys when the thing went off," Tony explained, wincing slightly at the memory. "You guys were buried under a collapsed ceiling. Gibbs was on top of you."  
  
  
  
"Where's he?" She had to know, although she once more felt herself slipping slowly into oblivion.  
  
  
  
"The doctor gave him some sedative, so he's sleeping right now," Tony said, brushing her bangs off her forehead, "Now go back to sleep. You need your rest."  
  
  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
  
  
The next time Kate woke up, she was disoriented. Tony had gone home; so had everybody else. She was extremely thirsty, so she fumbled for the call button.  
  
  
  
"Yes, Agent Todd," the nurse crept into the room and whispered quietly. "Something I can do for you?"  
  
  
  
"Water," she murmured just as softly. The nurse poured her a cup and helped her with it. Kate groaned inwardly when such simple action exhausted her already.  
  
  
  
"You need to let your body recover, Agent Todd," the nurse seemed to be able to read her mind.  
  
  
  
"Thanks," she smiled gently at the nurse. "I'll try to keep that in mind."  
  
  
  
The nurse nodded. "Is there anything else I can do for you?"  
  
  
  
"No, thank you."  
  
  
  
Kate watched the nurse leave the ward and stared at the ceiling. She wished she had remembered to ask the nurse what time it was before the nurse left the room. Looking around the room, she remembered Tony telling her that Gibbs was in the bed beside hers. She wanted, needed, to see how he was doing. Slowly turning her head, she had to stop back a gasp when she saw the sleeping form on the bed beside hers. There were bruises on the skin that were not covered by bandages, black mixed with blue and purple. What shocked her most was how there was a bandage tightly wrapped around his eyes, those blue, sapphire eyes that so often pierce into her soul. What...  
  
  
  
All of a sudden, she had trouble breathing. Fumbling, she pressed the call button again. The nurse again came into the room, took one note at Kate's condition, and ran out quickly for help. Nurses and doctors came rushing into the room, closing the curtain and blocking Gibbs from her sight.  
  
  
  
"Agent Todd, you need to calm down now," a nurse tried to soothe the agitated agent while another injected some sedatives into her IV. Within minutes, she could breathe again, and her eyelids were getting heavier by the minute. Before she fell back into darkness, only one thought in her mind: what happened to Gibbs?  
  
  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
  
  
"I heard you gave the staff quite a scare last night by going into hyperventilation, Caitlin," Ducky said as he approached the bed.  
  
  
  
Kate only nodded weakly at the medical examiner. "I'm okay now. Just... how is Gibbs doing?"  
  
  
  
The usually chatty man fell silent at the question, which made Kate all the more nervous.  
  
  
  
"You really need to breathe," Ducky cautioned when Kate's breathing again became labored. "Calm down and take a deep breath, dear."  
  
  
  
Kate complied and saw Ducky relaxed a little. She focused and asked again, "Ducky..."  
  
  
  
"I'm fine, Agent Todd," Gibbs' voice interrupted her question. Her eyes went wide as she turned over to look at the man. With his eyes bandaged closed, she couldn't tell if he was awake or not, but apparently, he was. "Duck?"  
  
  
  
"Yes, Jethro?" the medical doctor moved so that he was sitting beside the two injured.  
  
  
  
"How is she doing? I listened to the doctors and nurses work last night, and it sounded really bad," he asked. Kate, though irritated that he was asking Ducky instead of herself, melted when she heard the concern in his voice.  
  
  
  
"She just had trouble breathing last night," Ducky calmly told him. "It's not uncommon among trauma patients. She was given some sedatives and all. The doctor believes it was just her body's reaction to all that's happened. Other than that, Jethro, she looks a whole lot better than you."  
  
  
  
"That's good to know," he responded dryly.  
  
  
  
"How are you doing, Gibbs?" Kate decided to ask when both men fell silent. "What happened to your eyes?"  
  
  
  
"It's nothing," the older man answered gruffly.  
  
  
  
Kate turned to Ducky helplessly. She really wanted to know. Ducky could only shrug – that was the only thing he could do when Gibbs apparently didn't want Caitlin to know.  
  
  
  
"Now you two behave yourselves," Ducky said while moving to put on his jacket. "I need to go back. I have an autopsy lined up. Abby and Tony are working to find the one who did this. They said they will drop by later."  
  
  
  
"Thanks, Ducky, for coming," Kate nodded at the doctor while Gibbs grunted his farewell. She watched the medical examiner go and sighed softly. Turning her head again, she looked at Gibbs. The stubborn man refused to tell her how he was doing, so she would continue what she started the night before.  
  
  
  
Even though she knew his eyes were bandaged, she still had to bit back a gasp when she saw his face. It looked so different now without those ocean blue pools staring back at her intently. Moving down, she saw Gibbs' broken arm in a sling. Other than that, he seemed to be fine, physically at least. She had no idea otherwise.  
  
  
  
When she moved her gaze back to his face, she realized his features had relaxed and he was snoring softly. Kate smiled at the sight. She just wished she could see this side of her boss more often.  
  
  
  
Shifting in her bed so she was sitting up comfortably, she started to look through the bag Ducky had brought in earlier, and started on one of the trashy romance novels from the hospital gift shop. 


	3. Chapter 2

Part 02 of But Now I See  
  
Disclaimers: Please see introduction  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Kate was halfway through the novel when Gibbs roused. He tried to move around and grunted as he let himself settle back onto the mattress helplessly.  
  
  
  
"Gibbs?" she called out to him softly. "You okay?"  
  
  
  
"Yeah," came the gruff reply from the man.  
  
  
  
"Do you want some ice chips or something?"  
  
  
  
Kate was waiting for the usual refusal when, instead, Gibbs gave an almost imperceptible nod.  
  
  
  
Slowly, she moved so she was sitting on the edge of the bed and took the cup the nurse brought over a little a while ago. Having made sure her IV wasn't tangled, Kate stood up and walked over to Gibbs gingerly with the help of the bedside cupboards.  
  
  
  
"Agent Todd, what are you doing?" The doctor walked into the ward to see Kate leaning over to feed Gibbs the chips.  
  
  
  
"I am just giving Gibbs some ice chips." She looked up at the doctor with annoyance. She wasn't an invalid, damn it. If she couldn't do it, she wouldn't. She was a special agent, after all.  
  
  
  
"You could have let a nurse do that." The doctor softened at the agent's glare. The nurse was already moving toward them to take over the job and to help Kate back onto her bed.  
  
  
  
"Now, let's see how you're doing, since you're feeling good enough to move around, okay?" Dr. Thompson put down the chart and turned to look at Kate.  
  
  
  
Kate endured the prodding of the doctor with barely concealed irritation. Finally, the doctor was done, and declared that she was fit to leave the hospital in two days if there were no complications. She sighed in appreciation.  
  
  
  
Then, Dr. Thompson moved onto Gibbs. After going through the agent's chart briefly, he proceeded to examine the several injuries. Then, finally he removed the bandages from Gibbs' eyes and examined his eyes with a flashlight. Sighing softly, he nodded, and the nurses moved to put the bandages back on.  
  
  
  
"Agent Gibbs," the doctor started softly when the nurses had finished. Kate took the opportunity to listen closely. "It seems like my previous diagnosis was correct."  
  
  
  
"And?" Even injured, Gibbs still managed to sound like a leader in control of all proceedings.  
  
  
  
"You'll need surgery if you want to see properly again."  
  
  
  
This time, Kate didn't bother to hold back her astonishment. To see properly again? What did that mean, actually? What exactly happened to him? Kate forced herself to swallow the shock and pay attention to what the doctor was saying.  
  
  
  
"And the success rate for this surgery? How many people actually got to see again after the surgery?" From Gibbs' tone, Kate knew she had an idea of those figures before he asked the question. She held her breath and waited.  
  
  
  
"There is only a 50% chance of success," Dr. Thompson admitted. "But that's hope, Agent Gibbs. That's 50% of being able to see again."  
  
  
  
"And if the surgery fails..."  
  
  
  
"You'll lose your vision permanently," the doctor sighed. There was no way to change Gibbs' mind once he'd made it up. "But then, Agent Gibbs, there are medical advances every day."  
  
  
  
"I've already made up my mind, doctor," Gibbs stopped the medical doctor with a stern voice. "I am not taking the chance that I will be blind should the surgery fail."  
  
  
  
"Very well, Agent Gibbs." The doctor sounded defeated. The man knew when he had lost the battle. "In that case, we will probably keep you here for a few more days to make sure your wounds are healed properly, and release you into someone's care."  
  
  
  
Gibbs didn't bother with answering the doctor. Kate was sure if he could, he would be rolling his eyes at the doctor's comment. Pain filled her at that thought. His eyes.  
  
  
  
When the doctor finally exited the ward, Kate moved gingerly to sit beside Gibbs. She needed to be close to him, to make sure that he was indeed all right.  
  
"Hey," she greeted softly.  
  
  
  
Gibbs gave no response to let Kate know if he heard her, so she decided to go on. "You want me to read you the newspapers or something?" she asked with caution, not totally sure how to deal with his loss of sight.  
  
  
  
"Sure, whatever," came the reply. Kate fumbled around with the bag of things Ducky brought earlier and took out the newspaper. Flipping it open, she went right for the sports page.  
  
  
  
Kate kept reading for about an hour, despite her disinterest and exhaustion. She had never been a sporty person. Correct that. She played sports, but she couldn't care less about teams and competitive sports. Betting once in a while when her friends were badgering her was all she did.  
  
  
  
When she looked up, she smiled gently at the man in front of her. Gibbs was sleeping, snoring softly and his features relaxed. Tenderly, Kate brushed Gibbs' hair off his forehead. She willed herself not to look at the bandage that covered his eyes. No, that would break her heart again, and she didn't want that.  
  
The doctor hadn't said anything about what actually went wrong with Gibbs' eyes, but she knew enough to ache for him. He was a brilliant agent and a great mentor. She hadn't had time to analyze what she felt for Gibbs, but she knew it was more than a colleague... much more. She had no idea what would happen to Gibbs when he was released from the hospital, but one thing was definite: he would not be able to return to NCIS. Kate felt another surge of pain in her. He had been an NCIS agent for more than fifteen years, and he lost it all because of one damn explosion.  
  
That wasn't fair... but life had never been fair, had it? 


	4. Chapter 3

Part 03 of But Now I See Disclaimers: Please see Introduction  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"Agent Gibbs, we cannot release you unless you are going with someone," Kate could hear Dr. Thompson's exasperated tone before she even walked into the ward. She grinned slightly. Yep, that was Jethro Gibbs' infamous stubbornness.  
  
Kate walked into the ward just in time to see Gibbs scowl at the doctor. "I repeat, Dr. Thompson: I live alone, and I am not about to change that."  
  
The nurse gently touched the doctor's arms to notify him of Kate's arrival, and if Kate was not mistaken, he looked relieved to see her walk into the ward.  
  
"Agent Gibbs, I believe you have a visitor. I will return shortly to discuss your discharge tomorrow with you," Dr. Thompson said briefly and moved away, nodding and smiling at Kate as they passed.  
  
"I guess you're never a good patient, are you, Gibbs," Kate stated with mild amusement once she reached Gibbs' bed. He looked much better than when she had first woken up. Cuts were healed and bruises cleared.  
  
"Never have been, Agent Todd," Gibbs responded. Kate grinned inwardly. He was returning to being a smart-ass, which probably meant he was feeling much better.  
  
"I see you and the doctor have been having a discussion about getting you out of here tomorrow."  
  
"Don't start, Kate."  
  
"What? I didn't say anything."  
  
"You're about to," Gibbs said, his features stern, and Kate knew if she could see his eyes, they would be glaring at her the way only Gibbs could.  
  
Kate pushed away the pain caused by that thought. No, it wasn't the time to dwell in guilt. There would be time for that later.  
  
"Well, how are you feeling so far?" she asked softly, her hands aching to smooth the hair on his forehead. So, instead, she grabbed tighter onto her purse.  
  
"I am fine, Agent Todd," the stubborn man insisted then sighed. "I'll be better if they will stop fussing and get me coffee."  
  
She grinned weakly. That was Gibbs. If he could only bring one thing with him in an emergency, it would be his coffee.  
  
"Well, I heard you and the doctor were having a heated argument when I walked in," she brought the subject back and saw the irritation on the man's face.  
  
"Forget about it, Kate. I don't need people babying me. I can take care of myself fine."  
  
"I'm thinking maybe I can come and get you home," Kate continued as if he hadn't spoken.  
  
"Kate, I told you I don't need you to baby me."  
  
"I'm not babying you, Gibbs. I'm merely getting a friend and a colleague home after he has to stay in the hospital."  
  
"Agent Todd," Gibbs started in a warning tone.  
  
"Don't 'Agent Todd' me, Gibbs," Kate stopped him sternly then sighed, "Let me help, Gibbs. Just let me drive you home and we'll go from there, okay? I just want to make sure you're settled."  
  
"I repeat: I don't need anyone to take care of me. I am capable of that."  
  
Kate recognized it was the pride in the man that wouldn't let him back down, and her heart went out to him.  
  
"Just humor me, Gibbs, okay? I just want to see for myself that you're really fine," she almost pleaded. "Please."  
  
When Gibbs stayed quiet, Kate pressed on. "Please. Just put my mind at ease. I promise I won't get in the way."  
  
Gibbs continued to stay silent. Kate could see the man getting tired from the drugs administered through his IV. "We'll talk about it tomorrow morning, okay?"  
  
"I leave at noon. If you aren't here, I won't wait for you," Gibbs murmured sleepily before finally dozing off to sleep.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Kate followed Gibbs into his house. She had no idea how to approach the man walking in front of her. Since her arrival to the hospital, Gibbs had seemed like a different person. He was much quieter than he used to be. Worse, he seemed resigned. It was like the fight had left him.  
  
She didn't offer to take his bag because Gibbs had been holding onto it the whole time. She hated to admit it, but he seemed vulnerable like this, with a pair of sunglasses protecting his eyes from sunlight. He was walking with his hands in front, trying hard to balance himself and not to trip over anything.  
  
A bang and a string of curses brought Kate out of her reverie, and she saw that Gibbs had probably tripped over his coffee table.  
  
"Are you all right?" Immediately, Kate started over to help him. "Here, let me help you."  
  
As soon as her hands touched his arms, he shook them away. "Now that you've seen me humiliate myself, Agent Todd, you can leave now."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~* 


	5. Chapter 4

Part 04 of But Now I See Disclaimers: Please see Introduction  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"Now that you've seen me humiliate myself, Agent Todd, you can leave."  
  
Kate froze in the spot. She had no idea how to respond to the words. Sure, she had expected Gibbs to be cagey and irritated, but she had never expected those accusations.  
  
It was the implication that she was there to watch him humiliate himself that floored her. She had never thought Gibbs thought of her that way.  
  
Patience, Kate, she tried to tell herself. You have to be patient. Don't take it personally. Have patience.  
  
Wordlessly, Kate stood a few steps away from where Gibbs was and watched as he attempted rather unsuccessfully to pull himself up again and again.  
  
When Gibbs had finally stopped breathlessly, Kate moved forward and hooked her arms with his. She pulled his arms and he followed her lead. Gingerly, taking small steps, they started toward the hallway.  
  
"Where's your bedroom?" she asked.  
  
"Last one on the left," came the curt reply, not that she had expected anything different.  
  
They continued on wordlessly. The short distance seemed to have exhausted Gibbs already, and Kate gently helped him sit on his bed.  
  
"What do you want to do?" she asked, standing near but not close enough to touch.  
  
"A shower would be good," he murmured. He stood up by himself and walked slowly toward the general direction of his closet. Kate moved along with him, not touching him, but close enough to catch him should he fall.  
  
When Gibbs was in the shower, Kate let out a heavy sigh. This experience would be hard on Gibbs. She knew he was an independent man, and he hated to be weak in front of others. She didn't know how to comfort him or how to let him be Gibbs.  
  
She already had a glass of water and his medication ready on the bedside table when Gibbs walked out slowly from the shower. Seeing him dressed only in his undershirt and boxers sent her heart racing, but she steadied herself. Now is not the time for this kind of thinking, Caitlin.  
  
"I've got you a glass of water if you are thirsty," she said, watching him move across the room. "And I have put your medication beside them."  
  
"Thanks, Kate." The response was a bit—though not much—warmer than before. "I'm pretty much settled now. You don't have to stay."  
  
Biting her lips, Kate knew she needed to do some fast thinking. There was no way she would let him be alone in the house.  
  
"Why don't I go get something for dinner?" she asked tentatively, studying his face carefully in hope to have a glimpse of what he was feeling. "You're probably too tired to cook anyway. Plus, I don't wanna eat alone."  
  
Gibbs again became silent after her suggestion. She held her breath, hoping he would acquiesce. Finally, he nodded.  
  
"I'm going to sleep a little. Pain medication always makes me drowsy."  
  
"I'll wake you when dinner's ready," she promised. She wanted nothing more than to tuck him in, but she knew that would only aggravate him more, so she observed his movements from the doorway.  
  
"Thanks, Kate," he murmured softly when she turned to leave the room.  
  
With a small smile on her face, she responded just as softly, "You're welcome."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Kate walked into Gibbs' bedroom almost five hours later to find the man still sleeping, snoring softly.  
  
"Gibbs, dinner's ready," she tapped on his shoulder gently.  
  
Gibbs roused and groaned softly. Kate handed him the glass of water she had brought in with her.  
  
"Thanks," he said after taking a sip.  
  
"Why don't you go wash up? Dinner's ready."  
  
Kate stepped away and again let Gibbs find his way into the bathroom. If she remembered what she learned in college for her psychology degree, what she was doing – staying with him but at the same time letting him have his own space – would be the right thing to do.  
  
She had made pasta, thinking it would probably be the easiest for Gibbs to eat, and that would allow him the independence that he needed so much. Kate couldn't imagine what he would feel if he needed her help in eating.  
  
"I hope you don't mind me getting things from your kitchen," she said when he walked into the room, having put on a T-shirt and a pair of sweat pants.  
  
"No, that's fine." He walked to the general direction of the dining table. Kate released a breath she didn't realize she was holding when Gibbs sat down at the table without bumping into anything.  
  
"I made spaghetti," she said, putting his plate in front of him, "hope you don't mind."  
  
"I don't." He took the fork from Kate and started to twist the pasta around it. "You're a good cook, Kate."  
  
"Thanks. I don't cook very often, since I live alone. No point in going to all the trouble, then having to clean up."  
  
They finished the meal in silence. When they were done, Gibbs let Kate take care of the dishes. She worked slowly in hope of spending more time in the house. Finally, with the last dish put away, Kate moved her way out of the kitchen to find her boss sitting on the couch.  
  
"Gibbs?" she called while walking toward him.  
  
"Why are you doing all this for me, Kate?"  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~* 


	6. Chapter 5

Part 05 of But Now I See Disclaimers: Please see Introduction  
  
A/N: Was hoping for some more reviews before I post this part... but then.. they're not happening!  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"Why are you doing all this for me, Kate?" Gibbs' question sent chills down her spine. The hurt she had pushed away earlier came back full force.  
  
She stood still, just staring at him, and didn't know how to respond at all. Even though she kept reminding herself that Gibbs was only reacting to the situation, she couldn't stop the hurt from consuming her.  
  
"Kate?" Gibbs prompted, as if waiting for a suspect to speak.  
  
His indifferent tone was the last straw. Yet, instead of the explosion of fury she expected of herself, she was resigned and tired.  
  
"You wanna know why?" she couldn't look at Gibbs anymore. "I'm here because I need to know you're okay. Because I need to know you're taking care of yourself. Because I need to know you are you're fine when you have to make all these ... adjustments in your life."  
  
She paused briefly and made a futile attempt to keep her tears in check. "I'm here because I need to be with the man I've fallen in love with so I know he's taken care of."  
  
Kate wiped her tears away angrily. "I'm here because I can't stand to be away."  
  
Gibbs was quiet after Kate had finished. Her heavy breathing was the only sound that filled the room.  
  
"I don't need your pity, Kate," Gibbs finally broke the silence. At his words, Kate turned to look at him.  
  
"You're saying I'm here because of pity?" She was incredulous.  
  
"I'm sure you'll find out what you are feeling right now are just guilt combined with pity," he said with much finality in his tone.  
  
Kate took a deep breath to steady herself. Her world was quickly spinning out of her control and she was at lost of how to react.  
  
"I know what I feel, Gibbs," she almost choked out, and she hated herself for breaking down. "And I know the feelings were there before the explosion."  
  
She needed to get out of the house quickly, to escape from this house that threatened her sanity. She just revealed her soul to the man she loved, and he not only gave no reaction to her revelation, but told her she didn't really love him.  
  
Kate's hand shook when she reached for the doorknob. Without looking back, she opened the door and left.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
It was like déjà vu to Kate. The tension between her and Gibbs was like it had been a week ago.  
  
One week. It had been one week since she had visited Gibbs. Oh, she knew how he was doing. Tony visited every other day, and Abby and Ducky did so during lunch hours. She knew of the redecoration the men had done to Gibbs' house, and was privy to how they were helping Gibbs getting used to moving around.  
  
Kate had done a lot of thinking during the last week, and she knew she had to keep her emotions in check. There wouldn't be a repeat of what happened a week ago when she opened up her soul, only to have it crushed. There was no way she could survive that again. She just had to distance herself from him. Be his friend, and nothing more.  
  
She wasn't about to come today, but Tony was out with a nasty case of the flu, and there was a case from another team that needed Abby and Ducky's help. There was nobody else to drive Gibbs to his check-ups.  
  
She pondered about the red-head that picked him up now and again. The mysterious woman had yet to make an appearance since the explosion. Kate wasn't sure what to think of her and her relationship with Gibbs. She stopped herself from asking: that was personal information a colleague didn't need to know.  
  
The drive back from the hospital was passed in silence. Once she killed the ignition in front of Gibbs' house, the man got out of the car and slammed the door so strongly the car shook.  
  
Kate was about to snap, and she bit her lips.  
  
When they reached Gibbs' front door, he turned toward her. "I can manage from here, Agent Todd. Thank you for your help."  
  
"Oh, no, Gibbs," she protested and moved into the house before Gibbs could close the door. "You're not getting rid of me that easily."  
  
"What do you want from me, Kate? I told you, I am not getting surgery."  
  
"Why not, Gibbs? What is holding you back?"  
  
"Didn't you hear the doctor? He said there's only a 50% chance of success. If it fails, I'll lose my sight permanently."  
  
"You still have 50% chance of getting your sight back. Dr. Thompson explicitly explained to you that the longer you wait, the less likely you're going to regain your full vision."  
  
"Well," Gibbs turned to move toward the living room, "that's not going to matter, because I'm not going through surgery."  
  
Kate waited a moment. Then, in a calm, icy tone, she started, "I thought you wanted your independence back. I thought you loved your job at NCIS. I thought you didn't want people's pity."  
  
Gibbs stopped walking.  
  
"I don't understand, Gibbs. If you want all those things, then why aren't you going through surgery? You'll have your independence back, you'll return to the job you love, and you won't be pitied. Isn't that what you want? Then why the heck are you not going through surgery? What do you have to lose?"  
  
With courage she didn't know she had, she stepped toward the stunned man standing between his foyer and living room. "I know you're hurting, Gibbs, and I know losing your vision is hard for you. The news that there's only a 50% chance for you to get better doesn't help either. But please, consider your options." Kate was standing in front of him now, and she looked up to watch his face. "At least think about it."  
  
"Kate," he muttered his name, and the way he said had the wall she built in her heart tumbled. The emotions she was determined to keep locked up again surfacing.  
  
"I love you, Gibbs," she said, her hand hesitantly reached up to touch his cheek, "and, therefore, I will stand by your choice no matter what. But please, think about it, for your own sake."  
  
"I told you..."  
  
Kate was quick to cut him off. "It's not pity, Gibbs. I told you before and I will tell you again. These feelings I have for you, they are definitely not a result of the explosion. I do love you, Gibbs--probably since you started bossing me around on Air Force One."  
  
"But I can't love you back." His voice was broken, thick from emotions.  
  
"I know," she murmured. Standing on tiptoe, she kissed his cheek softly. "I know." 


	7. Chapter 6

Part 06 of But Now I See   
Disclaimers: Please see Introduction  
  
"Caitlin, take a seat," Ducky all but ordered the pacing agent in front of him.  
  
Kate reluctantly sat beside the doctor in the waiting room. Time was going too slowly. She was sure she'd go insane.  
  
"So, Kate, what exactly it is that you did to convince Gibbs to have the surgery?" Tony, sitting on the other side of the medical examiner, asked. "He was dead set against the surgery only two days ago, you know."  
  
Kate let out a small sigh and thanked God again that she had been victorious in combating Gibbs' stubbornness. "I have my ways."  
  
Before Tony could come up with a snarky response, the door to the waiting room opened, and a redhead both Kate and Tony recognized walked into the room.  
  
"Are you Kate Todd?" she walked right up to Kate and asked. Shocked, Kate couldn't make a sound but nodded.  
  
"You look exactly like how Jethro described you. I'm Angie Tuscani."  
  
"Miss Tuscani," Kate stood up and shook hands the woman. "These are my teammates: Special Agent Tony Dinozzo, Doctor Donald Mallard, Abby Sciuto."  
  
"Please, just call me Angie." She smiled at the group now gathered around her and Kate. "How's Jethro doing?"  
  
"He's still in surgery," Ducky answered with a look at the door thoughtfully. "He's been in there for close to an hour now, and there's at least another hour to go."  
  
"I really have to thank you for convincing Jethro to have the surgery, Kate," the woman reached and took Kate's hand in hers. "That cousin of mine can be stubborn as a cow if he wants to. You're one of the few who manage to change his mind on things he's decided upon."  
  
Kate's mind froze. She didn't know what to think. This woman in front of her... the mysterious woman she had thought to be Gibbs' lover... was his cousin. She didn't catch what the young woman was saying, but a short laugh brought Kate back out of her reverie.  
  
"Jethro's never told you who I am, has he?" she said with a shake of her head. "That's just mean."  
  
"He's a very private person," Tony murmured, and Angie nodded her head affirmatively. "He never told us, and we didn't really ask."  
  
The group fell silent. Images of when Angie had picked Gibbs up from work kept flashing by in Kate's mind. The intimacy; the closeness. Her jealousy seemed unfounded now she knew who Angie was.  
  
"Does anyone of you want to go grab a coffee or something?" Angie asked shortly after the conversation ended.  
  
The teammates shook their heads.  
  
"There's no need to worry now, is there?" Angie sighed and patted Kate's shoulder and looked at the worried faces of the others. "He's in surgery, and there's nothing much we can do. You'll need to save your energy for when he comes out of surgery."  
  
At the blank look on their faces, Angie tried again. "I'll stay here. You guys go take a break then come back, okay?"  
  
Abby was the first to move, and when she walked toward the door, Tony stood and fell into step beside her. Ducky followed the couple not too longer after.  
  
Angie shifted so she was facing Kate. "Why don't you go get some coffee?"  
  
Kate just shook her head. "I won't be able to keep anything down."  
  
Understanding dawned in Angie's eyes, and she smiled sympathetically at Kate. "Jethro is really hard to deal with when he has his mind set on something. For the whole time I've known him, you're the only one besides my mother who is capable of persuading him."  
  
"I'm good at persuading people," Kate smiled ruefully.  
  
"That," Angie smiled, "and the fact that Jethro feels he should listen to you."  
  
With a raised eyebrow, Kate looked at the woman sitting beside her, "Gibbs feels he should listen to me?" she laughed lightly despite of how anxious she was feeling. "I doubt that's the case."  
  
"Don't let him fool you, Kate. He cares. A lot."  
  
When Angie spotted Kate, she was kneeling in front of the statue of the Virgin Mary and was praying. Gently, she put a hand on Kate's shoulder so not to startle her. The agent looked up at her, her eyes filled with unshed tears.  
  
"You've been here all your waking hours for the last two days, Kate," Angie said softly. She helped the other woman stand and walk away from the statue. "Why don't you go and see Jethro?"  
  
Kate shook her head weakly. "I can't." At Angie's puzzled look, Kate expanded, "We exchanged words a few days before the surgery, and I just can't see him now."  
  
"He asked for you when he first woke up," Angie revealed.  
  
Kate was surprised. "He asked for me?"  
  
"Yours was the first name he called."  
  
Kate dipped her head and was quiet for a minute. "When did the doctor say they can take the bandage off?"  
  
"Tomorrow afternoon, I think." Angie patted her hand gently. "I'm sure he'll want you to be there with him."  
  
"I'll think about it," Kate said. "That's all I'll promise."


	8. Chapter 7

Part 07 of But Now I See Disclaimers: Please see Introduction  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
With trepidation, Kate opened the door that led to Gibbs' room. Unlike the first time, Gibbs was assigned a private room to allow for betting monitoring.  
  
Visiting hours were almost over, and the nurses at the station informed her the others, including Angie, had already left for the night.  
  
The room was dark and quiet. Kate felt her own heart begin to race as she stepped closer to the bed. True to Angie's words, the bandage on Gibbs' eyes was taken off, but with his eyes closed, she couldn't tell if the surgery was successful. Tears filled her eyes when the conversation they had rushed back to her.  
  
She sat beside him and hesitantly took his hand in her. "I'm really glad you've decided to go through with the surgery," she murmured.  
  
"Kate?"  
  
The whisper of her name made her jump. "You're awake."  
  
"That's a very good observation, Agent Todd," Gibbs chuckled weakly.  
  
"Did I wake you?" she asked nervously.  
  
"Nope," he answered. His hand reached up slowly to brush away a tear that escaped.  
  
Kate's hand went up shakily to touch his and looked at him.  
  
"You..." she stuttered.  
  
"Don't cry, Kate," he said softly. "I don't like to see you cry."  
  
"Your eyes," she whispered. She hand hovered above his eyes. "You mean the surgery was -"  
  
"Yes, it was successful," he finished her sentence and chuckled. "Though I need to wear sunglasses and act cool for several days."  
  
"Well, congratulations, Gibbs," she said with a smile then started to stand up. "It's getting late. I guess I should let you rest."  
  
"No." He reached out and quickly held onto her wrist. "Don't leave."  
  
"Gibbs..." She turned around to look at him and realized it was a bad move. She saw the blue depths staring at her, and she wanted nothing more than to lose herself in them.  
  
"I want to take back what I said that day you were at my place." He gently pulled her back closer to him.  
  
"What did you say?"  
  
Gibbs looked at her for a long moment, as if to determine if she was genuinely confused or was only playing games with him. "When I said I couldn't love you back."  
  
A lump formed in her throat, trapping her words inside. She stood in front of him, her eyes asking him, pleading him, to have mercy on her and not break her heart again.  
  
"I know you're not likely to believe me when I say this," Gibbs continued. "But I need to tell you how much you really mean to me."  
  
"So tell me... how much?"  
  
Instead of answering verbally, Gibbs brought her hand to his lips and grazed each knuckle gently. No words were needed; all were understood.  
  
"I was blind, you know. I couldn't see with my eyes," Gibbs took a deep breath before continuing, "and I refused to see what my heart."  
  
"And now?" Her vision blurred as tears formed in her eyes. She wiped them away.  
  
"Now I see," he answered.  
  
Never taking her eyes off his, Kate leaned down and touched her lips with his softly. He didn't let her pull away and, instead, used his free hand to trap her lips against his.  
  
"I'm never good with words, Kate," he said softly against her lips. "And I don't do romance well. I won't buy you flowers, and there won't be many romantic dinners in fancy restaurants. Heck, I'll probably forget your birthday and the anniversary. Can you live with that?"  
  
"I'll talk to Director Morrow tomorrow and get a transfer," Kate declared. "I'll still be at NCIS, but we won't be on the same team. You think you can make a concession with your Rule #12?"  
  
"As long as it makes you happy, Katie." He kissed her again.  
  
Kate pulled back slightly and saw that the patient was getting tired. "I'll let you get your rest now, okay?" she whispered, brushing his hair off his forehead and placing a soft kiss there. "I'll be back in the morning."  
  
"Don't leave," he muttered. His arms went around her and held on tightly.  
  
She let out a soft chuckled. Who knew Gibbs to be clingy? That probably was the result of the medicine, but still.  
  
Kate knew he had fallen asleep when his breathing had even out. There was no way for her to get up without waking him, and she didn't want to interrupt his rest, so she resigned herself to a night in his arms, using Gibbs' broad chest as her pillow.  
  
By the time Kate opened her eyes again, sunlight was already shining brightly into the room. Someone had placed a blanket on her.  
  
Sleepily, she looked up to see blue eyes looking down at her. She grinned. "Good morning, Agent Gibbs."  
  
"Good morning, Katie," he grinned back at her.  
  
"You sounded like my grandfather." Kate laughed when Gibbs raised an eyebrow. "He was the only one in the family who called me Katie. My dad prefers Kate and my mother also calls me Caitlin."  
  
"Well, then every time when someone else calls you Katie, you'll remember what I feel for you."  
  
Kate couldn't resist. She gave him a big smile and teased, "Be careful, Gibbs. You're becoming a romantic."  
  
"Don't you dare tell anyone that," he ordered, his eyes dancing.  
  
"They wouldn't believe me anyway," she declared before dipping down and grazing his lips with her own. "Now shut up and give me my good-morning kiss."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Finis 


End file.
